Life and Death

The feeling is kinda weird. It's like it can never really sink into your heart or mind.
You keep replaying what you heard, you keep seeing the face, you keep recalling the time spent,but you kinda cannot really accept that
this cny, there is no need to go to her place
that instead of going tomb-sweeping with her, you go to her grave instead
that there will no longer be anymore lunch or dinner or meet-ups
it also mean an end to all extended relationships from that side since she was the only link.

I try not to think too much about what's happening to her now. It's very agonizing to think about it.She is a good person but she refuses the gospel.

I began to think.

Yes, it may be unfair that good people still goes to hell if they don't believe. But what if it's really true?
Yes, maybe you only believe in yourself, but what if there's really a God?
Yes, maybe to you all gods are the same, but what if there's really only a true God?
Yes, maybe heaven and hell to you are myth, but what if it's true?
Yes, maybe you do not believe in life after death, but what if it's true?
Yes, maybe you think you will not regret, but what if the truth is too much to bear, the suffering too painful?
Yes, maybe you think you can think about it when you are old and dying, but how do you know when you are dying?
We never really think that death will happen to us. Even if you think you are not scare, think again. Do you really know where you will be going? If you think you have at least another ten years to decide, really? think again.How sure are you?

If you rationally think about it, do you really think people enjoy sharing with you again and again and being rejected by you while looking like a fool?
Or do you really think we just want to increase our membership number? If so, for what purpose? To get money from you? You do really have money?
And yes yes yes, you met many horrible christians who dun do what they preach. So? What has them gotta do with your life? What has them gotta do with you making the right choice? Why should them hinder you from making a decision concerning life and death?

It's agonizing to think about where she will be if what i believe is true. Of course at this moment, i would wish that i am wrong. But what if i right?

An hour before the call, i was still throwing tantrum and being upset at V. Even weeks have passed. After receiving the news, the thing between me and V is just so minor isn't it?

If i am right, i really wish to see you in heaven on that very day.

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